Begin Again

           My life has been a series of highs and lows. The highs were the best, the most glorious crazy wondrous strange highlights of life! Living and loving, running around filled with insanity and God's love, cramming all hours of my life with my family and friends, my books and my cats. Warm tea and blankets, and sunshine and lemonade, laughter and flowy dresses and pictures and new shoes.  I wake up, the sun is shining, the birds are loud, the clouds are large and magnificent. I love my God and and I love my life.

           But there are also the lows.  The times where your heart is so heavy it actually hurts inside your chest, when the weight just won't leave.  Those days when everything seems to go wrong, and the days hatred and bitterness want to drown you. Depressed and frightened, you feel yourself slipping and falling, thinking you've hit rock bottom only to find yourself sinking lower.  Those are the days covered by guilt and tears, tissues and wearing the same clothes for three days because you just can't find the desire to get up and live. Smeared mascara, loneliness, journals in messy writing.  Those are the days where you wake up and the world is cold.  And I love my God.  And I love this life He's given me, placing me here to serve Him.  He hasn't given up on me and my horrendous, selfish life - He has a plan for me or I wouldn't still be here.  Even when I think I've screwed it all up He's here. And even when I'm broken so much I'm just shattered pieces all over the place, He's here.

           So here I am, full to the brim of my life's first few chapters.  They are both happy and sad, because that is what makes a story.  It's not what most people would consider orderly or glamorous, but, in fact, quite a mess. But that's life! This life God has given us is beautiful.  Even though we can't always see it optimistically, life is a beautiful mess.  So let it go, and live it!