I think it's safe to say that most of us have been there. Traveling down the road you so carefully planned, prepared, and prayed about, when suddenly the path starts to crumble. Maybe it had been slowly falling to pieces, or perhaps it broke off overnight. Either way, life's future doesn't look quite the same as it did yesterday, or last month, or last year, or even in the last decade. Then sure enough, the infamous question slips out (or sometimes maybe some of us scream it out) : What do I do now?
On more than one occasion recently, I have been talking with a friend, only to realize that I have no idea what my next plan is. I have a little over a year to figure out what comes next. I know what I've always wanted, what I had always been planning for in the back of my head, but life isn't unfolding the way I thought it would.
When I a kid, I knew I didn't want to go to college. To keep things in perspective, I also didn't want to go on the 5th grade camping trip or to the cheerleaders' slumber party. That being said, it's really not surprising my eight year old self had no intentions of living in a dorm, even if it was 10+ years down the road. I wanted a nice house, a nice husband, and many kids. While my friends planned their lives and careers and college choices, I always came back to what I considered a simple but happy life. I thought this was what God had called me to do. I thought that all of my gifts and desires had pointed in this direction.
I still believe this. But my life has changed. This is my forth year working as a nanny; next year is looking like my last, which leaves fall of 2017 completely open. I'm quickly reaching that point; the place where you have had your life planned out, but you're reaching the end. It will be time for something new. Any change within one's current stage of life can be scary, as is moving to a completely to phase. The whole world is in front of you, but what exactly is it that God wants you to do?
It can be hard to stay content, difficult to listen to His guidance, when there is a gaping hole in the middle of your road. Those around me are engaged, married, expecting babies or already holding them. This was the life I wanted, leaving me to ask God "Why? When? What do I have to do? or What am I doing wrong?"
Right now, I don't know what God has for me. There are so many reasons that God could be holding back, but He is good. He is constant. He is sovereign. The truth is, I didn't plan on this. But God did. There is a reason I am where I am; a reason I am still single, have had a job in child care, have stayed in this town and church. I believe that I am on the path God wants for me, and if that is the case, then there is a reason there is a break in my roadway. I may not know what it is yet, but I have to trust God to show me in His time. When I was lonely, He gave me friends, although from places I wasn't expecting. When I wanted to use my gifts for Him, He gave me project after project. When I wanted to be a blessing, He gave me people in need. I have to trust now, when I want to follow Him, He'll show me the path.
I really don't know where life is going to take me. I don't know what God wants me to do. But there is so much in this world I want to see and do, so many people out there who I could be called help and love. The truth? I'm scared of what will come next; but the bigger truth is that Jehovah Shalom, the God of Peace, will lead me through it.